Holy Shit You're Old

Holy Shit, You're Old!—Celebrate Every Wrinkle and Every Fuck-Up

Let’s just say it—getting older is a shitshow, but at least you’ve survived it. Holy Shit, You're Old! isn’t just a candle—it’s your permission slip to laugh at life, eat the damn cake, and tell anyone who doesn’t like it to FUCK OFF! With the indulgent scent of buttercream, sugar, cream, honey, and vanilla, this candle doesn’t just smell amazing—it’s a damn party in a jar.

Light it up and let the sweet, comforting aroma transport you back to a time when blowing out birthday candles didn’t come with a side of back pain. This is for the badass who’s been through the ringer and came out the other side with stories, scars, and zero patience for bullshit. Because let’s be real, getting old is proof you’re a fucking legend.

Whether you’re gifting this to your best friend who needs a good laugh or keeping it for yourself as a reminder that age is just a number (and fuck anyone who says otherwise), this candle is the perfect way to celebrate every year you’ve conquered.

Scent Notes:

Buttercream, Sugar, Cream, Honey, Vanilla—sweet, indulgent, and unapologetically delicious.

Why You Need This Candle:

• Burn Time to Match Your Life Experience: Over 80 hours of sweet, creamy vibes to keep the party going.
• Clean Ingredients, No Crap: Made with coconut-apricot wax and organic cotton wicks, because you deserve quality, not toxins.
• The Ultimate Gag Gift: For the friend who just hit a milestone or anyone who needs a reminder that they’re aging like fine wine.
• Made in the USA: Crafted with love and a healthy dose of humor, because you deserve the best.

Lighting Up for More Than Just Laughs

This candle doesn’t just smell amazing—it’s doing good for the planet too:

• Planting trees in rainforests, evergreen forests, and more, because the Earth deserves some love too.
• Seasonal campaigns like cultivating 10 pounds of kelp or removing 10 pounds of plastic from oceans, because making a difference matters.
• Backing innovative carbon removal projects through Stripe Climate.
• Tracking every impact through the EcoDrive Dashboard.

The Details That Matter:

• Scent: Buttercream, Sugar, Cream, Honey, Vanilla—because life’s better with cake.
• Size: 9 oz of indulgent joy in a glass jar.
  Wax: Coconut and Apricot Wax Blend—clean-burning and calorie-free.
• Burn Time: Over 80 hours to remind you of every badass thing you’ve done.
• Shipping: Delivered to your door in 2-5 business days, because waiting sucks.
• Vibe: The candle that says, “Holy shit, you’re old,” every time you light it.

Light this candle, grab a slice of cake, and raise a toast to surviving everything life’s thrown at you. You’re a legend—own it.