I Will Stab You

I Will Stab You—Because Some People Just Fucking Deserve It

Let’s face it—there are days when you really just want to stab someone. Maybe it’s your boss, maybe it’s your neighbor who won’t stop mowing their lawn at 7 a.m., or maybe it’s just that asshole who thinks the world revolves around them. Enter this candle: a bold, in-your-face reminder that sometimes, the only thing keeping us from snapping is a damn good scent.

With a dangerously good blend of mandarin, champagne mimosa, and vanilla, this candle is as sharp as your comebacks and as smooth as your exit strategy after saying, “Oh, I’ll be there!” but ghosting the party instead. Light it up and let the fiery glow remind you to keep your cool—because you’re way too classy to actually stab someone... probably.

Whether you’re buying it for yourself as a form of self-care or gifting it to that friend who’s one bad meeting away from losing their shit, this candle is here to save the day. And by save, we mean distract you with its intoxicating scent while you plot your revenge.

Scent Notes:

Mandarin, Champagne Mimosa, Vanilla—sweet enough to keep you calm, but bold enough to match your no-bullshit attitude.

Why This Candle is Your New Best Friend:

• Burns Like a Champion: Over 80 hours of deliciously calming vibes, because your patience sure as hell won’t last that long.
• Clean Ingredients, Zero Bullshit: Coconut-apricot wax and organic cotton wicks, because life’s messy enough without toxic crap in the air.
• The Perfect Gift: For your best friend, your coworker, or yourself—because honestly, no one gets you like you do.
• Made in the USA: High-quality and unapologetically badass, just like you.

Saving the World One Candle at a Time

This candle isn’t just about making your space smell amazing—it’s about giving a big middle finger to environmental damage. Here’s how:

• Planting trees in rainforests, evergreen forests, and more—because the planet could use a little TLC.
• Seasonal campaigns like cultivating 10 pounds of kelp or removing 10 pounds of plastic from the ocean, because someone has to clean this shit up.
• Backing cutting-edge carbon removal projects through Stripe Climate.
• Tracking every impact on the EcoDrive Dashboard.

The Details:

Scent: Mandarin, Champagne Mimosa, Vanilla
Size: 9 oz Glass Jar with Lid
Wax: Coconut and Apricot Wax Blend
Burn Time: 80+ hours

Light this candle, take a deep breath, and remind yourself: you’re too fucking amazing to let the assholes win. But hey, if they push you too far, just know you’ve got options.